Background

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As I write this for the first time, I am sitting next to a hospital bed at 1 in the morning.  In the bed is my father-in-law.  He may not live to see the next sunrise due to internal bleeding and complications from a medical procedure.  

Richard was a good man.   He provided for his family and gave them many great memories.  He took care of his wife, he worked hard for his employers.  He will leave a good legacy behind.  

He is 87 years old.   He was a distant figure until the last four years when he moved for the first time out of Michigan to live near my family.  By then dementia had begun to diminish him, but we still shared many wonderful experiences and meals together.  

I hate seeing him die.  There is so much more I would like to do with him, so much more life to share with him.  And yet I know that realistically, this path of loss is the best.

I have been crying out to God for a change, for a miracle.  I know He could do it.  I have to keep on reminding myself that even though the miracle would take away my momentary grief, in the end, it  would probably lead to a worse outcome.  

We were listening to the Gospel of John in the New Living Translation (NLT) when a special moment occurred.  Chapter 11 is the story of Lazarus.  This story is pivotal to who Jesus is because of the power of the miracle.  Lazarus is in the tomb for four days.  This is longer than someone can survive if they fall unconscious because of the lack of water. 

There is one word in the account which is translated differently in the NLT then you would find in other common versions.   The Greek word is  embrimaomai.   Typically, this is translated as "deeply moved" or "groan".   It is used in verses 33 and 38,  In between those two verses, is verse 35 which says that Jesus wept.   

Because Jesus wept, I always thought that the "deeply moved" was about Jesus feeling a deep sorrow.  Some translations express the word differently.  NLT is one of them.  It says that Jesus had a deep anger.  The root of the word is to be engaged in snorting with anger.  The example is a irritated horse snorting before it charges.

If you apply this meaning to the word, Jesus was very sorrowful, but He was also angry that His friends (or maybe the whole world) had to deal with death.  Only a few days later, Jesus goes to the cross to provide a solution to death.  

This translation really opens up another set of emotions.  I already feel the sorrow of the impending loss.  There is really nothing that can be done about it.  But if Jesus felt angry at the death of Lazarus, I can also feel angry at death.  Death has its purpose in life, but it shouldn't be just passively accepted.  It is an enemy of happiness, maybe even better stated as a "necessary evil".  

Death has its purpose right now, but it doesn't mean that God is happy with it.  Instead, He is both upset by it and angry to have it as part of His universe.   We are not alone in our emotions.